Celebrities, commitment, Dating, Relationships, The Love Detective

The Love Detective: Boyfriend Background Check

article-2297783-18DE2318000005DC-638_634x824Celebs started the trend for pre-marital background checks moving into the realm of the first three months – Britney Spears reportedly asked her new boyfriend Dave to sign a confidentiality agreement and pass a background check before taking their relationship further.

So what’s involved in a ‘Boyfriend Background Check’?

Private investigators verify Identity, Address, Financial Stability, Employment, Property, Marital Status, and Moral Character.

Some people think that it’s paranoid, but I think it’s crazy that some people do less research on the history of a person we let into our homes (and vaginas) than the condition of a used purse on Ebay. Think about it: Have you ever dated a guy who wouldn’t take you back to his apartment? Are you sure he’s ‘separated’, or just separated for the night? A boyfriend background check definitely would have saved me a ton of time in my 20s.

What do you think? Would you ever want a Boyfriend Background Check?

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Celebrities, commitment, Relationships, The Love Detective

Should ambitious women marry older men?

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Often, stories about massive age gaps feature pictures of of Ronnie Wood or Hugh Hefner holding hands with women young enough to be their daughters. But I  was attracted to successful, charismatic, ambitious men whom I considered my peers and went through dozens of ‘Mr. Bigs’.
The ones I would consider setting up home with often didn’t consider me wife material.The men I dated either became competitive professionally or expected me to have a more traditional, stay-at-home role.’

Read more: Daily Mail/MailOnline

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Celebrities, commitment, fairy tales, The Love Detective

The Love Detective: Forget 7 years…beware the ’18 month itch’!

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First it was the seven-year itch. Then the three-year itch. Now a rash of recent celebrity break-ups seems to suggest that the honeymoon period is getting even shorter. That’s right: The stage when complements stop, sex dwindles and suddenly a partner’s cute little quirks go from totally adorable to totally annoying could happen in as little as 18 months.

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Celebrities, commitment, Commitment-phobia, Sex, The Love Detective

The Love Detective: Staging a Love Intervention, Part One

To illustrate how delusional ‘fantasy love’ can make us, let’s replace Tamara Ecclestone’s current beau with Bram Stoker’s Dracula. Both men like to flash money around, both have vague occupations that allow them to sleep all day (currently Rutland is ‘International Playboy’ on Twitter and a ‘broker consultant’), and both are into love at first sight.

I get a ton of letters from people whose friends/loved ones/colleagues are dating losers and scammers. They ask me how to bitch-slap them into reality using logical arguments.
Here’s the thing: You usually can’t. You need a soft touch approach AND hard evidence. Evolution has hard-wired women to love bad boys, and people in love are high on dopamine and temporarily insane.

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commitment, fairy tales, Featured, Relationships

Dear Bride-to-Be, Please Stop Talking About Your Wedding. Because No One Cares.

I’m more than willing to share the love on your special day. But after reading yet another story about the rising cost of being a bridesmaid, it’s time for a reality check.

Look, I think it’s great that you are entering the Vatican in a horse-drawn carriage covered with Swarovski crystals. But I would still rather stab myself through the hand with a fork than discuss your invitation fonts.   Continue reading

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commitment, Commitment-phobia, Crazy sex stories, Dating, fairy tales, Featured, Relationships, Sex, The Love Detective

Catfishing 101

Boy emails girl. Boy can’t meet, ever, but he has a plausible excuse. He’s stranded in Nigeria where his oil rig exploded. He’s waiting for his inheritance. He has a hook for a hand. Girl wires huge amounts of money before realizing she’s been screwed.

As a relationship writer and private investigator in training, I sadly see this scenario play out every day.  Deadspin reported that Notre Dame senior linebacker Manti T’eo may have been the victim of an Internet ‘catfish’. After it emerged that the ‘girlfriend’ who supposedly had cancer and died never really existed at all, he released a statement claiming he was the “victim of what was apparently someone’s sick joke and constant lies.”But he’s just the tip of the iceberg.

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commitment, Commitment-phobia, Random Musings

Why Dogs Are Better Than Babies

Over the holidays, I traveled with my rescue chihuahua, Winston. While we were boarding the flight to Aspen, the woman in the row in front of me started bitching very loudly about how ‘ridiculous’ it is that dogs are allowed in the cabin.  During the flight, while my dog was absolutely silent in his bag and her little ‘angel’ screamed non-stop, I had plenty of time to think about the reasons why–for some of us–puppies are better than babies.

1. I can put him in a bag…or, if I leave him while I’m on vacation, a kennel. If you try to shove a baby into a crate and walk away, people look at you funny.

2. They aren’t fussy about food. At least, my dog isn’t. He will eat anything from tortilla chips to spots of cereal on the floor without complaint. Giving him parma ham is probably the closest I’ll ever feel to being a worshipped cult leader.

3. You can put them on a leash. Well, technically you can put kids on a leash too…but with a puppy you avoid the angry glares and judgement.

4. Unconditional love. Kids grow up, become teenagers and tell you they hate you. But a dog’s adoration is forever. At least, as long as you keep that food coming.

5. They don’t judge. A dog’s love is the same whether you are rocking a fashion-forward ensemble or unshowered in a Snuggie, drinking a bottle of wine at 3pm in the afternoon. It’s not cool to pull a Hunter S. Thompson on the school run.

6. You can spay/neuter them. I don’t have to worry about my chihuahua showing up on Maury, shouting that he’s ‘one hundred percent’ sure he’s not the father, and dancing offstage. With kids, all you can really do is give The Talk, and hope that your bundle of joy doesn’t end up as a main character on an MTV reality show.

7. You can give them away. Obviously I’m not planning on leaving Winston, but I know if I absolutely had to offload the little guy I have a shortlist of people who would love to give him a good home. I’m not sure I could pull the same stunt with my own offspring. Either way, dogs are a shorter-term commitment.

8. Puppies are cuter than babies. Some babies (yours included, I’m sure!) are cute. Others, me included, looked like melted fast food for a few weeks after birth. Even the ugliest puppies are better-looking than some of the screaming red-faced miniature versions of  the kid from The Omen I’ve seen posted on Facebook.

9. They poo outside. Personally I would rather brave a thousand 2AM walks than a single dirty diaper.

10. They are easier to bribe. In five years, I won’t have to give my chihuahua an iPad mini to get him to sit and stay. That same old peanut butter Kong will work just fine.

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