I woke up on Valentine’s Day to find my car window busted out and my Tom Tom stolen. Not only did this end the longest relationship I’ve ever had with a man (even if he is just a computer, we argue like a married couple when I’m doing the driving and I miss him!), I also had to endure the indignity of a walk of shame outside my boyfriend’s house. I was cleaning broken glass in my high heels and leather dress while his neighbors did their morning walk in spandex and probably wondered what kind of ghetto whore was taking up residence next door. This incident reminded me that, no matter how long you’ve been dating someone, in addition to ‘mad money’ to get you home it’s always a good idea to pack emergency walk of shame items. My list includes, in no particular order:
1. Condoms/Birth control. This one is self-explanatory. If someone judges you for whipping out a condom, you probably don’t want to be sleeping with him anyway.
2. Breath mints/Gum.
3. Spare key, kept separate from your handbag. I used to tape mine inside my bra.
4. Flashlight. Makes creepy underground garages feel much less serial killer-y.
5. Foldable flat shoes. Your feet will thank you when you have to have to hail a taxi in last night’s f**k-me pumps.
6. Spare dark tights that can disguise short skirts from the judgmental stares of morning commuters.
7. Hair bands.
9. Yellow-toned concealer. Men lie when they say we look better without makeup.
10. Vaseline. In addition to being a great lip balm, this works as a moisturizer, seals split ends, and acts as a lubricant in a pinch.